What Eats You Alive
Photo | Model: Elina Dmitruk
A number of years ago, when I led local community events for teenage girls, I wrote a mini book called What Eats You Alive. It discussed topics such as jealousy, envy, pride, bitterness and evilness, which I believed young gals struggled with. I gave examples and ways on how to overcome what eats you from the inside out.
As a 28-year old, I have watched adults continue to struggle with jealousy and envy. Some are still bitter about a high school dilemma which happened long ago or give off total mean girl vibes at work, acting like an evil stepsister. I always wondered, why is it that women struggle with what should have been dealt with in their teenage years?
Some have never come face to face with their inner problems and feel like little girls trapped in adult bodies.
I am a strong believer of personal development and becoming the person you were born to be. Character determines much in life, and will take you further than talent ever will.
I found one solution to this problem. I wouldn’t say I’m an expert and have it all figured out, but I may be a few steps ahead of some. What helped me overcome feelings of inadequacy which followed with jealousy, envy and bitterness is staying focused on me and my task. Vince Lombardi once said, “obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal”. Let me take this further.
Doubt, inadequacy and poor character is what you face when you take your eyes off your purpose.
You need to have something to focus on. Your dream or a goal which keeps you busy. When you stay in your lane and run your course, you will barely have time to compare or grow jealous of someone. It’s a life hack. I use it all the time. If jealousy was all I felt as an 18-year old, growing envious toward a friend, something was wrong with me. Not her. I knew it was time to be alone. I would lock myself up in my car or room, and literally talk out loud. I began to speak positive words toward that person. Words of blessing which were extremely difficult at the moment. I would speak into her life what I wished I had. This broke something off within me. It released freedom and peace. Once I was done, jealousy, envy and comparison were long gone. Try it out. Works wonders every time.
Throughout the years, I developed a habit. Someone recently asked me, “did you discover any insecurity which you did not know you had, when competing for pageantry, such as jealousy?” Without hesitation, I responded, “NO. I dealt with that long ago.”
It is not common for me to look at a woman today and become envious or jealous of her beauty or accomplishments. I am inspired and motivated to keep running after what is mine. I make friends with those who many envy, and hype everyone up around me. This did not happen overnight though. It is years of developing a habit to respond in love and solid character.
My only competition is yesterdays KK. I compete against her.
I’d love to encourage you to see the beauty which you carry inside, understanding you have a unique purpose on this earth and no one will ever be able to do what you can. You are one of a kind and should never compete with another woman. It is draining. Totally not worth your energy.
You’ve got a world of opportunities to conquer, not an army of women to fight against.
Let’s become the women we dreamed we had on our journey toward greatness.
KK
